My heart sank.
Where could my wallet be?
It was 8:47 a.m. on a Saturday. I was supposed to leave by nine and be at CarMax by ten to sell the car I’d been paying $600 a month for, but only to keep parked on the streets because I no longer commuted to work; and therefore my need to drive decreased.
I tore through the living room, the bedroom, the kitchen counter, buried under what felt like three weeks of unopened mail. My hands were shaking. My heart rate sped up and I was getting more frustrated by the minute.
I knew exactly where this was going. I’d done this before, the frantic search that ends with me late, apologetic, rescheduling.
Except this time I found it, wedged between two cushions at 8:58, and I made it to CarMax with minutes to spare.
I freed up $600 a month, but the truth hit me hard: I’d lost over $10,000 between the down payment, repairs, and months of payments on a car I hadn’t driven in months.
When I got home, I looked around and the clutter, the unopened mail, the boxes of candle supplies for a business that wasn’t making money, the planner samples stacked in the corner, and it hit me.
This wasn’t just about the car. It was about every decision I’d made in the last two years.
The pattern has a name: sunk cost fallacy. And if you have ADHD, you know this trap intimately.
What Is the Sunk Cost Fallacy?
The classic definition is simple:
Sunk cost fallacy is when you keep investing time, money, or energy into something because of what you’ve already spent… instead of what you’re likely to gain by continuing.
In Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman explains it as a cognitive bias: past costs start making your decisions for you. Economists call it “throwing good money after bad.”
Logically, sunk costs are gone. Emotionally, they’re loud.
And for many of us with ADHD, that noise is even louder.
Why ADHD Brains Fall Into the Sunk Cost Trap
Here’s something I learned while doing some quick research on the topic:
ADHD doesn’t just affect focus. It affects how we make decisions, how we process regret, and how we walk away.
A few things collide:
- Difficulty with future-oriented thinking
- Emotional discomfort around “wasting” money or “failing”
- Impulsivity when we first commit, followed by shame when it doesn’t work
- Analysis paralysis when we try to “fix” a bad decision by adding more to it
All together, this creates what we can call the paralysis loop:
You invest → it doesn’t work → you feel guilty → you invest more to fix it → you feel even more stuck.
The ADHD Sunk Cost Pattern: Three Examples You Might Recognize
The Education Trap
You’ve bought the course, the book, the membership. You haven’t finished any of them, but you keep buying more because this one will be different.
Here’s a hard truth, you’re not investing in education, you’re spending money to avoid implementing what you already know.
I had courses stacked up like kindling. None of them were bad. But I wasn’t learning. I was collecting information as a substitute for action.
The “One More Thing” Spiral
You’ve almost finished the project.
You just need one more tool. One more element. One more revision.
Except “almost finished” has lasted six months, and you’ve spent $2,000 on supplies you’re not sure you’ll use.
My candle supplies are a perfect example. I bought fragrances, wax, containers, and wicks. I told myself I’d test them, find the right formula, and launch the product.
Instead, they sit in boxes because I don’t have the bandwidth to test more wick heights and flame burn times. I was not about to abandon the project, but I could not pretend the money I already spent means I have to finish it right now.
The “I Already Started” Commitment
You signed the contract, bought the equipment, told people about it. Now you’re locked in, even though every fiber of your being knows this isn’t working.
Quitting feels impossible because of what you’ve already invested.
The car was that. Parts of my business felt like that too. I’d spent so much on samples, branding, tools, advice, that walking away from any part felt like throwing it all in the trash.
The Breaking Point Is Rarely Rational
Here’s the thing about recognizing sunk cost fallacy: the moment you finally see it clearly is rarely about the biggest loss. For me, it wasn’t the amount of money I’d already spent on the car or the exorbitant amounts I paid on courses.
It was my wallet, lost in my own chaos, because I’d been too “busy” working on a business that was consuming my time, which had been masquerading as making progress, to prepare the night before.
I came home from CarMax and looked around. Really looked. The mess wasn’t just physical. It was financial, mental, emotional. I’d been spending money to avoid making decisions. I’d been collecting tools and courses and products as proof I was “doing something,” when what I was actually doing was feeding a loop.
So I made a decision. I cleared one entire room. I let go of things I’d been holding onto because “someday I might donate them.” I went through the mail that had been collecting dust. I stopped pretending the money I’d already spent had anything to do with what I should do next.
What I’m Doing Differently Now
The shift is about asking a different question.
Before, I asked: “I’ve already spent this much, how can I make it work?”
Now I ask: “If I hadn’t already spent this money, would I spend it today?”
For example, I was about to commit to another package deal, another upfront investment in something I’d already researched and planned, when I stopped myself. I’d been burned before by paying for services I couldn’t actually use, but I’d felt obligated to make them work because I’d paid for them.
This time, I chose flexibility over commitment. Pay-as-you-go instead of locked-in packages. If it doesn’t work, I’m out a reasonable amount, not trapped in a contract.
The same principle applies everywhere. The gym membership you haven’t used in four months? The subscription box that felt exciting in January but now just creates guilt every time a package arrives? The business idea you’ve been funding for two years that hasn’t gained traction? The money’s already spent. Continuing doesn’t change that.
I’m learning to separate past spending from present decisions. I’m using what I already have without forcing myself to “finish” projects on arbitrary timelines just because the money’s gone. I’m letting myself walk away from things that aren’t working without the shame spiral that says “You wasted all that money, you have to make it worth it.”
The money’s already gone. That’s what “sunk cost” means. The question is what I do next.
What This Means for Your ADHD Money Decisions
If you’re reading this and tallying your own losses: the courses you didn’t finish, the projects half-done, the subscriptions you forgot to cancel, I want you to know something. This isn’t about being “bad with money.” This is about how ADHD brains process decisions under pressure, how we struggle with letting go, how we conflate past investment with future value.
Here’s what helped me start to break the pattern:
- Recognize where you’re continuing something because you already started: Is it the gym membership you haven’t used in three months? The business idea that’s been “almost ready to launch” for a year? The relationship that stopped working six months ago? Or a year ago or ten?
- Ask what you’re avoiding by continuing: Sometimes we spend money, on courses, on tools, on “one more thing” because it feels like progress without requiring the vulnerable, hard work of actually doing the thing.
- Give yourself permission to stop: The money’s spent. You can’t un-spend it by forcing something that isn’t working. Walking away isn’t failure. It’s clarity.
I don’t have this figured out. I’m still making mistakes. But at least now I can see the trap before I’m thousands of dollars deep. And when I can’t find my wallet in the chaos, I know what it’s really telling me.
I created the Permission to Achieve™ System for this exact moment. The one where you finally see what’s been keeping you stuck and decide to move differently.
It’s a gentle framework for resetting, rebuilding trust in yourself, and creating structure that actually works with your ADHD brain. If this story resonated, you’ll love how the system guides you to rewrite yours.
Citations & Further Reading
- Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow.
- Arkes, Hal R., and Catherine Blumer. “The Psychology of Sunk Cost.” Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes.
- Barkley, Russell A. “Executive Functions: What They Are, How They Work, and Why They Evolved.”
