Here’s the deal: I don’t actually know how to set goals effectively.
I realize as a fully grown and functioning person who has had many years on this earth, I should know this basic principle. But as I sat down to create goals in my planner, I realized I don’t really know what goals I should set.
Yes, I’m familiar with research on goals, and I have made plenty of goals, most in the form of New Year’s resolutions, but I don’t think I have ever sat down and really contemplated how to write my goals. For instance, I have never asked why I want these things?
As a result, I never achieved any of the goals I set, which got me thinking: How DO we create meaningful goals AND stick with them? And more importantly: Why is this so hard for ADHD brains?
Friends with ADHD, if you’ve ever sat down to create goals and felt completely lost, or achieved goal after goal only to feel empty inside, I have good news! There’s actual neuroscience behind why traditional goal-setting approaches fail for ADHD brains, and why most of us end up feeling like we’re “bad at goals.”
The Hidden Science Behind Why ADHD Goal Setting Feels Impossible
The External Validation Trap That Starts in Childhood
Most of us have spent decades living what researchers call “externally referenced lives.” We follow school curriculums, job descriptions, and societal expectations so well that we lose touch with our own internal compass.
Research on self-determination theory shows we often live our lives “in conformity with external validation and fail to explore what is truly meaningful to us,” leading to “a life that is externally successful but internally unfulfilled.”
This pattern follows us from childhood through career building, where we chase achievements that look good on paper rather than what actually fulfills us.
Think about it: When was the last time someone asked you what you actually wanted? Not what you should want, but what would make your soul feel alive?
The ADHD Brain’s Unique Challenge with Traditional Goal Setting
Here’s where the neuroscience gets fascinating. Research published in BMC Psychiatry, examining executive functioning in adults with ADHD, found significant differences in planning and organizing abilities compared to neurotypical brains.
When our actions aren’t aligned with our core values or things that are valuable and meaningful to us, our brain’s reward system becomes less engaged, leading to feelings of frustration and emptiness. For neurotypical brains, this misalignment is uncomfortable but manageable.
For ADHD brains? It’s devastating.
Why ADHD brains are more affected by values misalignment:
- Lower baseline dopamine affects how we evaluate whether goals are worth the effort
- We rely more heavily on the brain’s reward system for motivation
- Russell Barkley’s research shows ADHD significantly impacts planning and working memory
When goals don’t connect to our authentic values, there’s even less dopamine reward to motivate us through the difficult parts. This is why you can follow every productivity hack, set SMART goals, and still abandon them after a few weeks.
The Dopamine Factor: Why ADHD Goal Achievement Is Different
How Dopamine Affects Goal Evaluation in ADHD Brains
Neuroscience research on ADHD decision-making reveals that dopamine affects how our brains decide whether a goal is worth the effort. The study found that “individuals with ADHD may exhibit suboptimal decision-making, choosing options that do not maximize expected value.”
For ADHD brains, this means:
- Goals that feel meaningful trigger more dopamine
- Boring or “should-based” goals get mentally rejected
- Interest-alignment becomes crucial for follow-through
- Values-connection provides sustainable motivation
The “Now vs. Not Now” ADHD Brain Pattern
ADHD brains work on a different sense of urgency. Instead of feeling a slow, steady increase in pressure as a deadline approaches (the way many neurotypical brains do), we experience urgency as a light switch: it’s either ON (urgent NOW) or OFF (not urgent at all). There’s almost no middle ground.
Why traditional annual goals fail:
- 12 months feels infinite (no urgency)
- Interest wanes long before the deadline
- Too much time for life circumstances to change
- Working memory can’t hold year-long plans
Why “should” goals get abandoned:
- No intrinsic interest to sustain motivation
- Disconnect from personal values and desires
- Based on external expectations rather than internal drive
- Lack the dopamine reward needed for ADHD persistence
Executive Function and Goal Planning: The Missing Piece
The Development Gap That Affects Adult Goal Setting
Research on executive function development shows that the ability to work toward goals without being sidetracked is one of the last executive function skills to mature. For ADHD brains, this skill may never fully develop in the traditional sense.
As a result, ADHD-related executive function challenges can affect goals in several ways: difficulty breaking large goals into smaller steps, trouble estimating how much time tasks will take, forgetting key details or action steps, losing track of progress, struggling to create support systems, difficulty maintaining goal-tracking methods, underestimating how long achievements will take, and a poor sense of approaching deadlines.
The Emotional Regulation Component
Goal pursuit involves inevitable frustrations, boredom, and setbacks. For ADHD brains, difficulties in managing these emotions can lead to premature goal abandonment.
- Common emotional derailments include perfectionism paralysis
- “If I can’t do it perfectly, why start?”
- All-or-nothing thinking
- “I missed one day, so I’ve failed.”
- Comparison overwhelm
- “Everyone else makes this look easy.”
- Rejection sensitivity
- “What if I fail and people judge me?”
Why Values-Based Goal Setting Works for ADHD Brains
We all know people are more likely to commit to something if they are motivated. As a former educator, I know my students were more likely to do something if they knew there was a reward for them.
The neuroscience backs this up. Research on goal pursuit and brain function shows that when you set goals aligned with your core values, you activate the regions of the brain tied to meaning and long-term planning. This neurological connection fosters a sense of purpose that makes it easier to stay focused and push through challenges.
Put simply: you’re far more likely to achieve goals that connect with your feelings and values, not just your logical thinking.
For ADHD brains, this alignment is even more important. Values-based goals provide intrinsic motivation that doesn’t rely solely on dopamine.
That means:
- Sustained effort through boring or tedious phases
- Alignment with your natural strengths and interests
- Reduced internal resistance and self-sabotage
Why Values Alignment Protects Against Burnout
Studies consistently show that people who live in alignment with their values report higher well-being, greater motivation, and lower stress. The opposite is also true. When there’s a gap between what you value and what you’re doing, it creates chronic stress and what some researchers call “existential exhaustion.”
In other words, you can achieve everything you thought you wanted and still feel completely empty inside.
The Real Reason You Feel “Bad at Goals”
The narrative that ADHD people “lack willpower” is not only wrong, but it’s harmful. The real issue is using neurotypical goal-setting approaches with neurodivergent brains.
Traditional goal-setting assumes you know what you want, can maintain motivation through boring phases, and can plan linearly. ADHD brains actually need permission to discover wants through experimentation, interest-based motivation, flexible planning, and personalized systems.
The Shame Cycle That Keeps You Stuck
Many ADHD adults develop “goal-setting trauma” from repeated experiences of starting strong and not finishing.
This creates a shame cycle:
Set Ambitious Goal → Start with Enthusiasm → Hit Inevitable Obstacles → Abandon Goal → Feel Shame and Failure → Avoid Future Goal-Setting
Breaking this cycle requires understanding that the problem was never you—it was the approach.
The Permission You Need to Want What You Want
A lot of goal-setting advice tells you to “follow your passion” as if passion is a pre-existing thing you just need to uncover. For many women with ADHD, especially those who’ve spent years conforming to external expectations, passion feels buried under layers of “shoulds.”
The Permission Slip Exercise:
Instead of asking “What’s my passion?” try this:
Step 1: Write down 3 things you’ve been pretending not to want because they seem impractical, selfish, “not like you,” too ambitious, or too simple.
Step 2: Don’t judge them. Don’t plan them. Just acknowledge them.
Step 3: Notice what emotions come up. Fear? Excitement? Relief? These emotions are data about what matters to you.
Sometimes the goals that scare us most are the ones our authentic selves are desperately trying to tell us about.
Your Path Forward: ADHD Goal Setting That Actually Works
Understanding the science behind your goal-setting struggles is liberating. You can stop trying to force square pegs into round holes and start working with your brain’s natural patterns.
Key insights to remember:
- Values misalignment causes more goal failure than lack of willpower
- ADHD brains need different approaches, not more discipline
- Interest and meaning are requirements, not luxuries, for ADHD goal success
- External validation has taught you to ignore your internal compass
- Permission to want what you want is the first step toward meaningful goals
The Foundation for Goal-Setting Success
Before you can set goals that stick, you need clarity on your core values, permission to want what you actually want, understanding of your ADHD patterns, and self-compassion for the learning curve ahead.
Key reflection questions:
- What activities make you lose track of time?
- Which past goals did you actually achieve? What made them different?
- When do you feel most motivated?
The research is clear: when goals align with your authentic values and work with (rather than against) your ADHD wiring, everything changes. Motivation becomes sustainable. Progress feels meaningful. Achievement brings genuine satisfaction instead of empty checkmarks.
Ready for goal-setting that works with your ADHD brain? Join 260+ high achievers in my weekly newsletter where I share goal-setting strategies designed specifically for ADHD brains. Get early access to my quarterly planning system that turns scattered dreams into achievable 90-day sprints.
Because you deserve goals that feel like coming home to yourself, not another way to prove your worth.
Medical Disclaimer: This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with healthcare professionals regarding ADHD symptoms and treatment options.
Further Reading – Research Citations:
- Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. Self-Determination Theory. Positive Psychology. https://positivepsychology.com/self-determination-theory/
- Roselló, B., et al. (2020). Empirical examination of executive functioning, ADHD associated behaviors, and functional impairments in adults with persistent ADHD. BMC Psychiatry. https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-020-02542-y
- Barkley, R. A. (2025). Executive Function: 7 ADHD Planning, Prioritizing Deficits. ADDitude Magazine. https://www.additudemag.com/7-executive-function-deficits-linked-to-adhd/
- Decision-making and ADHD: Neuroeconomic Perspective. (2024). Frontiers in Neuroscience. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/neuroscience/articles/10.3389/fnins.2024.1339825/full
- Executive Function Disorder & ADHD. (2025). Attention Deficit Disorder Association. https://add.org/executive-function-disorder/
- Berkman, E. T. (2018). The Neuroscience of Goals and Behavior Change. PMC – National Center for Biotechnology Information. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5854216/
