You know that Kermit the Frog meme that’s been going around? The one where he’s just… sitting everywhere? By a pond, on a rock, near a pole, staring at the rain – just existing in various locations doing absolutely nothing because “ADHD people spend the day in waiting mode because they have a thing at 2pm?” This type of ADHD avoidance really hits a little too close to home.
Let me share my own “waiting” moment of vulnerability with you.
Back in April, I added a pop-up asking people to join my newsletter, and people did. I was stoked! I have a library of researched ADHD topics I wanted to deliver right in their inbox weekly. In my mind, we’ve become fast friends, fluidly responding back and forth, sharing ADHD moments. And then I’ve sent them exactly zero emails.
When “Getting It Right” Means Getting Nothing Done
Why? Because I wanted it to be perfect. I was worried about wasting people’s time, so nothing felt right-no draft was “the one.” I kept drafting emails, saving them, and deciding they weren’t good enough. I read about subject lines and bookmarked articles about “the perfect welcome sequence.”
But yesterday, I finally wrote an email I was ready to send. I’ll be honest, I spiraled a little and hovered over the “schedule later” button – that way I could go back and delete the email if at 2 o’clock in the morning I decided the tone wasn’t right. I could send it Thursday at 10am – that’s supposed to be optimal, right? Or maybe Tuesday at 2pm has better engagement rates?
But then I caught myself. Here I was, doing it again – researching the “perfect” time instead of just hitting send.
So I took a deep breath and clicked “Send Now.” Will my readers read it? Who knows? Will they unsubscribe en masse? Maybe. But I sent it! I am no longer in waiting mode. This single act propelled me forward because I promised them an email next week, and I must deliver if I’m to be trusted.
And you know what? The world didn’t end, and no one unsubscribed.
This is exactly the pattern I want to talk about today – how our ADHD brains turn simple actions into complex research projects to avoid the vulnerability of actually doing the thing.
So, this post is all about ADHD “waiting mode” – and how it’s stealing more from you than just time.
What Is ADHD Avoidance (And Why Your Brain Loves It)
Research consistently shows that ADHD affects executive function – the brain’s ability to plan, make decisions, and initiate tasks. Studies have found that people with ADHD often experience “analysis paralysis,” where the decision-making process becomes stuck in endless evaluation.
This neurological difference helps explain why choosing a simple candle becomes a deep dive into wick science, or why starting a journal requires researching every possible method first. The ADHD brain’s executive function challenges mean that what looks like “being thorough” is actually a protective mechanism gone into overdrive.
When faced with choices, many people with ADHD report feeling overwhelmed by possibilities and potential negative outcomes. Don’t confuse this for perfectionism, at least not in the traditional sense. It’s the brain trying to avoid the discomfort of making an imperfect choice by avoiding the choice altogether.
The problem? This protective mechanism keeps you safe from imperfect choices by ensuring you make no choice at all.
7 Hidden Ways ADHD Avoidance Shows Up in Your Life
1. The Research Rabbit Hole Trap
You want to start working out, so you spend three weeks researching the “perfect” gym. You compare membership prices, read reviews, analyze class schedules, and debate whether you need a pool.
Meanwhile, you haven’t moved your body once.
You want to get your finances together, so you download twelve budgeting apps for ADHD. You read comparison articles, watch YouTube reviews, and join Facebook groups asking which app is “best for ADHD.”
Your bank account remains untouched.
2. The Pinterest Planning Paradise
You want to eat healthier, so you fall down a meal prep Pinterest hole. You save 200 pins, create elaborate grocery lists, and research the best food storage containers. Your fridge still contains leftover takeout and wilted lettuce.
3. The “Perfect Setup” Syndrome
Want to start journaling? You spend hours comparing notebooks, reading about different journaling methods, and watching “bullet journal setup” videos instead of writing one sentence about your day.
Before writing that book, you need the perfect writing app, the ideal desk setup, the right notebook, and the optimal lighting. You spend more time curating your workspace than actually using it.
4. The Course Collection Addiction
You buy course after course on productivity, organization systems for ADHD, or time management. You feel productive purchasing them and making plans to watch them, but they sit unopened in your digital library.
5. The Social Media Research Spiral
What starts as “quickly checking” the best morning routine turns into three hours of scrolling through productivity influencers, bookmarking posts you’ll “definitely implement later.”
6. The Tool Comparison Obsession
You need a simple to-do list, so you research every task management app known to humanity. You create comparison charts, read reviews, and test free trials. Your actual tasks remain scattered across sticky notes.
7. The “Someday When” Fantasy
“Someday when I have the perfect planner, I’ll get organized.” “Someday when I find the right system, I’ll manage my money.” “Someday when” becomes a comfortable place to live that requires no vulnerability or risk.
Why Your ADHD Brain Chooses Research Over Action
Fear of Making the “Wrong” Choice
ADHD brains often catastrophize mistakes. We imagine that choosing the wrong gym membership will somehow ruin our entire fitness journey, or that picking the wrong budgeting app will doom our financial future.
The reality? Most choices are reversible. You can switch gyms. You can try a different app. You can adjust your approach as you learn what works.
Overwhelm Masquerading as Thoroughness
When a task feels overwhelming, our brains break it down into smaller pieces. “Getting healthy” becomes “research all the workout options.” “Managing money” becomes “find the perfect budgeting system.”
These smaller tasks feel more manageable and give us a sense of progress without the vulnerability of actually starting.
Rejection Sensitivity at Work
Many people with ADHD also struggle with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) – an intense fear of criticism or failure. It’s easier to stay in research mode where no one can judge our imperfect attempts than to risk being seen as “doing it wrong.”
The Dopamine Hit of Learning
Let’s be honest: research feels good. Finding new information, comparing options, and feeling “informed” gives our brains little dopamine hits. It feels productive without requiring us to be vulnerable or face potential failure.
The Real Cost of ADHD Avoidance
While you’re researching the perfect morning routine, your sleep schedule remains chaotic. While you’re comparing meal prep strategies, you’re still ordering takeout every night. While you’re analyzing productivity systems, your to-do list keeps growing.
ADHD avoidance doesn’t protect you from failure – it guarantees inaction.
You’re not failing because you chose the wrong system. You’re stuck because you never chose a system at all.
Here’s what chronic avoidance is really costing you:
- Time: Hours spent researching could be spent actually doing
- Money: Buying multiple solutions instead of using one imperfectly
- Confidence: Each day of inaction reinforces the belief that you “can’t follow through”
- Opportunities: While you’re planning the perfect approach, life keeps moving
- Mental energy: Decision fatigue from endless options drains your executive function
7 Strategies to Break Free from ADHD Avoidance
1. Set Research Time Limits
Give yourself a specific window for research. “I have two hours to choose a gym, then I’m signing up somewhere.” Set a timer. When it goes off, make a decision with the information you have.
Try this right now: Pick something you’ve been “researching.” Set a 15-minute timer and make a decision when it goes off.
2. Use the “Good Enough” Rule
Remember: you’re not choosing forever. You’re choosing for now. You can start with Planet Fitness and switch to a boutique gym later. You can try one budgeting app and adjust if it doesn’t work.
The goal isn’t to find the perfect solution – it’s to find a workable solution you can start with today.
3. Name the Avoidance When You See It
The next time you catch yourself in a research spiral, pause and ask: “What am I actually afraid of here?” Often, simply recognizing the avoidance for what it is can help you move past it.
Common fears behind ADHD avoidance:
- “What if I waste money on the wrong choice?”
- “What if people judge my imperfect attempt?”
- “What if I start and then quit like always?”
4. Challenge the Catastrophic Thinking
When your brain starts spiraling about making the “wrong” choice, remind yourself of the actual consequences. Will choosing the wrong notebook really ruin your journaling practice? Or can you just buy a different one next time?
Most ADHD avoidance is based on imaginary catastrophes, not real risks.
5. Start Before You Feel Ready
This is the hardest one, but it’s the most important: take action before you have all the information. Download one budgeting app and enter one transaction. Go to one gym class. Cook one simple meal.
Action creates clarity. You’ll learn more about what works for you in one week of imperfect trying than in one month of perfect planning.
6. Use Implementation Intentions
Instead of vague plans like “I’ll start exercising,” create specific if-then statements: “If it’s Tuesday at 7 AM, then I’ll go to the gym closest to my house.”
This removes the decision-making burden that often triggers avoidance spirals.
7. Embrace the “Minimum Viable Start”
What’s the smallest possible step you could take right now? Don’t plan the perfect morning routine – just set your alarm 10 minutes earlier tomorrow. Don’t research every meal prep strategy – just buy ingredients for one simple meal.
Small starts build momentum and confidence while bypassing the overwhelm that triggers avoidance.
The Permission You’ve Been Waiting For
Here’s what no one tells you about ADHD and decision-making: there is no perfect choice. There’s only the choice you make and what you learn from it.
You don’t need to research every possible option. You don’t need to have the perfect plan. You don’t need to wait until you feel completely confident.
You need to start somewhere, anywhere, and trust yourself to figure it out as you go.
Your ADHD brain is incredibly adaptable. It can learn, adjust, and course-correct as you gain real experience. But it can’t do any of that while you’re stuck in research mode.
Your Next Step (Yes, Right Now)
Think of one thing you’ve been “researching” or avoiding. Maybe it’s that gym membership, that ADHD planner, or that organization system you’ve been Pinterest-planning for months.
Set a timer for 15 minutes. Research for exactly that long, then make a decision and take one small action.
Your ADHD brain might resist this. It might insist you need “just a little more information.” That’s avoidance talking.
Rip the bandage off. If I had listened to my ADHD brain, I would have never hit send to my subscribers.
Choose anyway. Start anyway. Be imperfect anyway. Hit send!
Your life is happening right now, not after you find the perfect system. Stop waiting for the ideal moment and start creating it instead.
Ready to stop the avoidance cycle? Join my email list below for weekly ADHD strategies that actually work – no perfect systems required, just real solutions for our work in progress brains.
What’s one thing you’ve been avoiding by “researching”? You’re definitely not alone in this struggle – and sometimes just naming it helps break the spell.
